Four Immeasurables
How
can we help others to find happiness? One way is through
the practice of the Four Immeasurable Minds, often
called the Four Immeasurables. The first
mind is that of loving-kindness, which is offering
happiness to others. Second is the mind of compassion,
which is the intention and wish to relieve the suffering
of others. Third is joy, which is felt when beings
experience happiness. And fourth is equanimity, being
neither averse to nor attached to anything. We
understand that we cannot cause others to transcend
suffering or to feel happiness or joy, but we still have
the wish that all beings will be able to accomplish such
freedom and joyfulness.
We start this practice with those who are closest to us:
our family and friends. We then extend it to those we
know and like, and gradually keep on expanding this
practice outwards until we feel loving-kindness,
compassion, joy, and equanimity for all beings in our
world, and eventually for all beings throughout the
universe. Ultimately, the capacity of our mind to care
for all beings becomes immeasurable. Then the mind
embraces the expanse of space, and encompasses the
vastness of the universe.
The first mind is loving-kindness, which is the practice
of selflessness, of constantly seeking to benefit
others, of helping others to find happiness. When we
wish to hurt another, we are experiencing anger. If we
then wait for an opportunity to inflict harm on that
person, we are experiencing animosity. When animosity
continues for a long time it becomes hostility. When we
act upon these thoughts through speech or actions, the
hostility becomes cruelty. Loving-kindness is the way to
counter these destructive emotions.
To offer happiness to others, we need to know what they
want, and for this we need to listen and understand. If
someone tells us that they do not need or want something
but we insist on giving it to them, we are only offering
frustration and irritation, not happiness. If they wish
for nothing, then giving them nothing is the offering of
happiness. We should try to give others what they wish
for as long as it is not harmful; even if what they like
is something we do not. Our personal desires or opinions
should not enter into it.
So often in our wish to make others happy, we project
what we like onto them and then we act accordingly. Our
intentions may be good, but without wisdom the best of
intentions can backfire, exasperating others and
disappointing ourselves. To offer happiness, we need to
set aside the thinking that others wish for what we wish
for and, instead, provide other people with what they
truly wish for.
Second, compassion is the wish and intention to
alleviate the suffering of others. It counters sorrow
and anxiety. It is the unconditional care and concern
for all living beings, the ability to realize that all
beings suffer, not just ourselves or those we care for.
All too often we find ourselves trying to ease the
suffering of those we love and care for, but for other
people whom we do not care for or even dislike, it is an
entirely different matter. Ideally, our compassion
should be held equally to all.
The third mind is that of joy, which is wanting all
beings to be free from unhappiness and being sincerely
happy, without any trace of jealousy, when they
accomplish this. Joy counters sadness. It is the state
of great contentment and ease.
The fourth mind is equanimity which is letting go. It
counters attachment and aversion. It is to stop clinging
and to no longer judge or discriminate. It does not mean
that we do not love. It means that we love equally and
impartially: like a mother who loves all her children.
Loving every one of her children, a mother’s love for
one child is not lessened. Loving all her children with
equanimity does not mean she is indifferent to what her
children feel or do. She simply loves them
unconditionally and without expectations.
Equanimity in love is non-possessive. It is like the sun
shining on all beings equally. The sun does not
differentiate, deciding to shine more on this person and
less on that person. Neither does the sun cling to those
it shines on. It shines on all it sees with warmth and
brightness—equally.
When we can view everyone with equanimity, we will
understand that people are who they are. If we expect
them to conform to our ideals, we will smother them and
destroy the very person we care for. How much better it
would be to just accept people as they are, without any
of our pre-conceived views and personal judgments. Our
only wish should be for them to be free from suffering,
and to be happy and filled with joy.
Developing the four immeasurable minds requires much
time, enthusiasm, and dedication. Although our four
minds today may seem to be very small and narrowly
focused, their gradual expansion to encompass the whole
universe will bring us immeasurable joy.
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